Folks, I just walked into the office kitchen to nuke up some homemade fontina-stuffed arancini (humble brag) and found a piece of food on the handle of the microwave.
To say I was disgusted and repulsed would not set the scene properly.
The stomach-turning feeling I experienced has to be the same feeling that one gets when they stumble upon a dead body. I got nauseous. A cold sweat broke out all over my body, and I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to this previously clean, and vibrant handle that was now tainted with what looked like a microcosm of a Thanksgiving meal.
Oh the humanity of it all. What animal would leave this there for someone else to find? Did they not know? Was it by accident?
My guess is someone was eating cold food while heating warm food; a classic move by hungrier people. Trust me, I’ve been there before. You’re too hungry to wait 90 seconds so you leave a little on the side for you to munch on while the bigger portion heats up.
Perhaps this savage wasn’t using silverware but using their fingers to quickly get as much food in their mouth as possible before the buzzer sounded (time ends on the Microwave). And when it was time to collect the bounty, he or she left their calling card right on the sweet spot of the handle.
Topic No. 1 for therapy tonight: How do I recover from this? Will I have to move exclusively to salads and deli meats for lunch? By the way, I’m totally fine with an all deli diet.
Feel free to send any ideas my way, I will entertain any self-help exercises. Thoughts and prayers to my favorite part of the Monday through Friday grind: work lunch.